"says I oughtta be ashamed of myself"

photo by Scott Duncan-Fernandez

​Pass or fail

By Anthony "Glyph" Orozco 

The principals say I’m suspended
a recommended 80 days
say I should be ashamed
say the teacher 
feared for her safety
say I’m lucky 
none of the fists we threw
or desks we flung
landed on her as she jumped between us
say how irresponsible it was 
for me to recruit Cesar, 
one of the few Mexicans who liked me, 
to jump this other kid. 
 
When they leave the room for a moment
Cesar says he’s still high 
from smoking 
before the bus picked him up
and I say 
yeah me too.
After I lie
I think about what 
the other kid said
says my mother is like a brick
says she gets laid by dirty Mexicans.
 
I can hear mama leaving work
breath short and quick
perm tired
keys jangling
quick little steps on linoleum.
When she comes into the office
she is a special shade of red
her brow tight
her mouth a slit.
 
They tell her everything
about how they heard I attacked the 
kid on my own the day before
they were actually calling my name 
on the PA system 
while Cesar and I turned 
first period English
into a pig roast
we have been reading 
Lord of the Flies. 
 
Mama listens without blinking.
When they finish
she asks them what they expect
after not doing a thing
after all the years in this school 
her son, everyday, gifted 
with new and exciting reasons 
to be ashamed of himself
for things he can’t change
says this shit would never slide 
if he was called nigger 
instead of wetback and beaner 
and all the other vile stuff I bring home
like some mutated science fair project.
 
They tell mama, 
who is not
a wetback
or a beaner
or a mutated science fair project,
they take bullying very seriously
say I will have to go 
to a detention school called 
RESCUE
say the only grade I can get
are either a C or F
I can only pass or fail
no in between. 
 
She tells them
her son didn’t pick this fight
says he has to defend himself 
as long as they don’t.
She snatches me 
out of the office
through the school 
across the parking lot
puts me in the car 
and says 
she loves me 
says I oughtta be ashamed of myself. 

Anthony "Glyph" Orozco, a Mexican American journalist, poet and performer in Reading, Pennsylvania, has reported on immigrants, Central Americans, Mexicans, first-generation Americans and Afro-Latinos in the Rust Belt for the last seven years. He is also a board member of the community arts group Barrio Alegría, where he leads a bilingual monthly poetry workshop. He hails from a mixed family in Cincinnati, Ohio. His mestizo father came to the U.S. from Chihuahua, Mexico, in the 1980s and his mother’s lineage is traced back to the original 13 colonies and Europe. In his poetry, Anthony examines his indigenous ancestry, bi-cultural identity and eclectic Latino communities. 

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